Today, we're acutely aware of our emotions, and the state of things around us. The most obvious reason has to do with the election of our new President after what has been many tumultuous months. But, I am going to digress and start this conversation around something far less charged and heated and then circle back around. Are you 'game'? Good. So stay open and let's see where we can go with this.
Have you ever resolved to go on some kind of diet, determined to lose the last few pounds that you can’t seem to get rid of?
(Meanwhile, fresh baked cookies smell like heaven come to earth. And for your family dinner, your favorite pasta is served along with loads of basil, parmesan and toasted garlic bread. And we won’t even give a thought to the birthday party this weekend for your BF, who is herself “the best” baker in town.)
The deep desire to avoid or ‘get rid of’ of something, actually has an uncanny way of doing the opposite and creating the very thing you’re seeking to distance yourself from.
Why? Because there’s energy and tension that is set up within you, built up between you and that ‘thing’, creating a bond. I’m not saying it’s a good or a bad bond, just that it is a bond and it locks you into a relationship with it from which you have opportunities to grow, if you so choose.
To ease that bond, especially around something that you honestly would prefer to do away with, it takes loosening the tension & energy in the bond.
Notice when resistance comes up - Notice the pull of your desire
This 'noticing' will begin the loosening process. Instead of feeling one extreme or another over something, the act of 'noticing' will help you find the center point wherein there is little to no ‘charge’ and you’re not pulling towards something nor are you pushing it away.
I call this the Sweet or Center Spot.
It’s an interesting ‘spot’ to become familiar with. You’ll find that there’s a calm quality to it; a lightness, and a peacefulness within yourself. Judgments like ‘good’ and ‘bad’ fall away. You’ll also find that creative solutions bubble up to things that previously seemed unmanageable. And if you would explore it further, you’d find an underlying Love and a sense of acceptance for things as they are. As Byron Katie would say, you come into a place of “Loving What Is”.
“To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room." ~ Marc Hack
Here’s another opportunity to deepen in your practice of finding the Sweet Spot. If you feel like you’ve got the above process ALL figured out, then take it a step further and consider how you’re thinking about our new president.
If we are unable to find acceptance of him, believing that he is less than perfect as he is with all his failings, then we do not recognize that he IS the broken window. He is us, in all the areas where we are broken, as individuals and as a people. It is because of him that we are now more aware of how much more we have to do in terms of our prejudiced attitudes. It is because of him that many, many more conversations about sexual harassment and abuse have been brought to Light. It is because of him that we become increasingly aware of those people who are of different cultures, different religions….just different. Considering things from this perspective, from this Sweet Spot, you are not asked to compromise what is right for you but simply 'notice' and loosen the thing to which you are so intensely bonded. Notice and loosen it enough so that you can see where the Light is coming in.
And if you find yourself tangled up in thoughts and emotions, time and again, over the state of our country and this new president, now would be the perfect time to come talk and do some coaching around this.